An "object of affection": A moment in the list of Britny's Pet Peeves

Object: (Noun)- A material thing that can be seen and touched.
       Synonyms:  thing - aim - purpose - article - objective - goal

Subject: (Noun) - A person or thing that is being discussed, described, or dealt with.
             (Adjective) - Likely or prone to be affected by
       Synonyms: (noun)  topic - theme - matter - object - citizen
                         (adj)  subordinate - liable - dependent - dependant

Definitions courtesy of Google, Inc

The term "object of affection" popped into my head this morning, while my toast was warming and my honey was waiting. (Cause Seattle....)

As I sipped my coffee - but let's face it, its really just highly caffeinated hot chocolate- the strangeness of the term came more into focus. Objects are defined as not people, but inanimate and usually abstract ideals, goals and hopes that one will strive for. The object of someone's affection should be different than the subject of someone's affection considering that the word "person" is included in the definition and not in the other.

According to Urban Dictionary an abject of affection is:
Person that prevents concentration by the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, desire, etc

Similar tags included were obsession (the state of being obsessed  also known as mania), affliction (something that causes pain or suffering), desire (a strong feeling of wanting), and distraction (a thing that prevents someone from giving full attention to something else).

If I were the object of someone's affection, I am no longer a person, I am a thing or goal to be achieved. This type of thinking is where I think a lot of romantic comedies and anime's begin.

 

It's no longer about the person, who they are as an individual, or what they feel or think about the pursuit. Its a mission, a victory to achieve. Add another suitor into the mix and its an awkward love triangle, complete with pointless competitions. Its no longer about the emotions stirred by the person on the receiving end of the want, but now about some type of achievement, ownership, and prize to be won.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not taking a feminist stand on this with the intent of bashing men for something that we all do. Before I started dating my boyfriend, there was another person in the picture who was also competing for my affections, however I held the chips and neither was really competing against the other in the literal sense. Inside my head, I was weighing the pros and cons of the two. At some point in the process, I had filtered these very different and fascinatingly complex individuals down to a list of pluses and minuses. It became a logical battle in my head about which one was more worth my time.

We all do it, we will always do it. The terminology is what annoys me mostly. Also, the idea that I could inspire emotions like obsession, affliction, or distraction, which turns our quaint little love story into the script for any horror movie.

                      

The moment we forget that the "object" - though I still prefer the word "subject"- of our affection can reject us, we spiral down into fighting for claim and not for an opportunity. Pat Benetar was right, love is a battlefield, but it's not 1 vs 1, where the subject of affection is the prize; but 1 vs 1 vs 1, where the deciding factor is dependent on who the subject chooses - if that person chooses at all - and if you come out of the war bitter, elated, naive, or victorious.